Some days I look at my Twitter and Facebook and Tumblr and Tsu and all these social media accounts where everyone’s waiting for me to be The Guy. You know. That Guy. The one I am every day. The irreverent feminist growly snarky fuck-your-racism fuck-your-bigotry fuck-your-sexism fuck-your-gender-binaries guy who writes sexy dirty filthy things and gives good hugs and shares his music and makes fun of himself and always teases just on the edge of going too far. And I sit there and feel like I’m going to burst out of my skin, and think, “I don’t want to be Cole tonight. I want to be myself. You don’t even know me. You don’t know all the wild and beautiful things under my skin, the madness and the desperation, the sweetness and the fire.”
But that’s so wrong.
That’s so very wrong.
Because you read the things I write. You read what I write, and it’s made up of that madness and desperation. It’s all the wildness and beauty turned into lyrics and poured into prose. It’s sweetness. It’s fire. It’s breathlessness. It’s hate and despair. It’s love and need and pure raw chaos that twists through me every day and makes me feel like god, oh god, I must be a little bit crazy but I want to be because you can’t feel this much and be completely sane. It’s fury that the world can’t be the way I hear it in my mind, in this music that makes up everything and everyone, words that write the ugly things as beautiful and terrible and trembling and wonderful.
Because you read those things, you know me better than anyone ever could. You know the casual truth that is Cole, the everyday easiness, the lazy smile and the simple details.
But at the same time, you know the nameless and burning soul that I keep confined to the pages, and let out only for you in the hopes that deep down, you’ll feel the flickering spark of recognition.
And then, I’ll know you too.
|NEW CROW CITY COVERS
The Crow City Series now has a new cover set – dark, sleek, and just in time for the latest book in the series. See the full series covers here.
TWENTY NOTES TO THE ANXIOUS, MELANCHOLY WRITER
|AUTUMN (CROW CITY #2.75)
The latest installment in the Crow City series is here – with series favorites Walford Gallifrey and Joseph Armitage returning in a poignant story of reconciliation and newfound love in the first contemporary M/M in the Crow City Series.