Random, Writing

That Guy.

drowning

Some days I look at my Twitter and Facebook and Tumblr and Tsu and all these social media accounts where everyone’s waiting for me to be The Guy. You know. That Guy. The one I am every day. The irreverent feminist growly snarky fuck-your-racism fuck-your-bigotry fuck-your-sexism fuck-your-gender-binaries guy who writes sexy dirty filthy things and gives good hugs and shares his music and makes fun of himself and always teases just on the edge of going too far. And I sit there and feel like I’m going to burst out of my skin, and think, “I don’t want to be Cole tonight. I want to be myself. You don’t even know me. You don’t know all the wild and beautiful things under my skin, the madness and the desperation, the sweetness and the fire.”

But that’s so wrong.

That’s so very wrong.

Because you read the things I write. You read what I write, and it’s made up of that madness and desperation. It’s all the wildness and beauty turned into lyrics and poured into prose. It’s sweetness. It’s fire. It’s breathlessness. It’s hate and despair. It’s love and need and pure raw chaos that twists through me every day and makes me feel like god, oh god, I must be a little bit crazy but I want to be because you can’t feel this much and be completely sane. It’s fury that the world can’t be the way I hear it in my mind, in this music that makes up everything and everyone, words that write the ugly things as beautiful and terrible and trembling and wonderful.

Because you read those things, you know me better than anyone ever could. You know the casual truth that is Cole, the everyday easiness, the lazy smile and the simple details.

But at the same time, you know the nameless and burning soul that I keep confined to the pages, and let out only for you in the hopes that deep down, you’ll feel the flickering spark of recognition.

And then, I’ll know you too.

LATEST NEWS

TheLost6x9NEW CROW CITY COVERS
The Crow City Series now has a new cover set – dark, sleek, and just in time for the latest book in the series. See the full series covers here.

deadpoolTWENTY NOTES TO THE ANXIOUS, MELANCHOLY WRITER
Judging yourself? Feeling down on your writing? Over-comparing until you work yourself into a hole and can’t get out? Here are a few reminders to help you breathe and refocus.

Autum6x9AUTUMN (CROW CITY #2.75)
The latest installment in the Crow City series is here – with series favorites Walford Gallifrey and Joseph Armitage returning in a poignant story of reconciliation and newfound love in the first contemporary M/M in the Crow City Series.



8 thoughts on “That Guy.”

  1. Angie O. says:

    Wow. This is beautiful. You, Cole, That Guy. All of you. Now you know why I’m waiting with bated breath for more words. You’re awesome. I’m proud to know you. ❤️

  2. maryb says:

    Wow!! That was heartfelt and intense!! Your words speak volumes. ❤ 😉

  3. Suzi says:

    Oh my! So beautiful! I love your inner voice and the stories you pen. Thank you for sharing a bit of yourself with us–whether growley, snarky, humorous or flirty—all those things make a wonderful YOU!

  4. Sheila Lawrence says:

    Magnificently lovely. Truly. I’m sure I speak for most of us when I say that we’re grateful for anything you decide to share with us. All of the pieces of you that you HAVE shared are loved by us. We aren’t looking for you to ever be “that guy”…..not ever. We want you to know you can be whoever you really are behind Cole MCade and that we’ll love those parts of you too.
    You mingle with us mere mortals on SM way more than a lot of writers and we all notice appreciate you taking that time to make each of us feel important to you. Because I know you’re very important to each of us.

  5. Margaret says:

    It’s been a pleasure to not only read this and your tweets and Facebook posts with your banter, humor and dirty words but your book. Each day you give us a glimpse of you, cook, writer, music lover, artist etc. Wishing you love and happiness always.

  6. Rachel Z. says:

    We love the written cinders of your divine immolation! Muah!

  7. whitney says:

    I love to read what you write. I guess that’s all I wanted to say.

  8. Fabi says:

    Can anyone ever know the real “us” behind the bits and pieces we choose to share? Whether we share on social media with near strangers or share with close family and friends in our own home, the sharing ultimately only involves the pieces that choose to come out at any given moment. It’s the sum of those moments that make up the life we leave behind in memories. Know that what you share when you publish a story reaches inside complete strangers to trigger feelings, thoughts and emotions that unite us as human beings.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *